Honey

Why didn’t they come home? Where are they?

The little one--- he would come back for me, wouldn’t he? Last time we were playing, he put his forehead right up against mine and looked me right in the eyes.  That’s a promise. He’s mine, and I’m his. No questions asked. Nothing could make him leave me here. But what if…  No, I can’t think like that. They wouldn’t leave me. I haven’t done anything wrong. I mean, there was that one time last week when I couldn’t make it outside, and she yelled at me. Oh, I hid behind that big loud machine all night. I didn’t even come out to eat. But then she came and pulled me out by the collar. And I’ve been outside since. But that can’t be it, can it?

…….

Where did they go?

……..

I’ve now worn a path in the cool grass along the fence-line with the countless times I’ve ambled its distance. Oh, if I could only get to the other side of these walls. The grass is getting higher with no loud machine to come back here and eat it up. The days are getting warmer. I can’t spend all my time running back and forth out here under the sun. I’ll have to dig out some place for myself in the shade, I think. But then what? The sun has come and gone at least ten times since I saw them last. My bowl is empty, and those loud beatles have made it their home now, crawling around in there. What dregs of food that might have been left have been carried away by the fire ants. And last time that I checked, my puddle in the corner of the yard that I dug up is almost empty of water. I know I said that even if I got hungry, I wouldn’t let myself worry, but I really don’t know what I can do now. I’ll just curl up at the back door. I’ll wait. They’ll be back. They always come back.

…….

Maybe if I howl just a little bit louder-- -a little louder--- someone will hear me. Somebody. Anybody. Please.

…….

I can hear a rustling in the tall weeds peeking over the fence. Something is scratching at the walls. Maybe they hear me. What is that? It must just be the wind. Nobody’s out here at this time of day. It’s too hot. I’ll go back to the shade now. It’s so hot.

…….

There it is again. More sounds. And this time I can hear voices. There’s a little one. And she’s yelling. Who is she yelling at? I better go investigate. It could be them. Maybe they’re home. Or maybe it’s like last year, at the hottest part of the year when they were gone for that long time, and they had that nice lady come by to see me. Maybe that’s it.  I’m scratching, but nothing is happening. Maybe if I just make a little more stir, push a little bit harder, I can make some space here. There it is. Just a little more. No, it’s no use. There’s hard stone here. Wait! Don’t go!  

…….

They’re back today. And there are more of them. I can’t protect the house by myself. Wait. I hear a man and a woman--- and that same little one from before. What are they doing on my family’s land? I can’t let this happen. They made it inside. And they’re carrying something. It looks like there’s a long stick or something. But I can smell food. Oh, it smells so good. But no… I can’t. They’re trying to hurt me. I just know it. It’s a trick. I can tell. Look, he’s trying to get closer and closer to me. And he’s got whatever that is that he’s carrying. You can’t trust them. It doesn’t matter how close he gets, he’s not going to get me.

…..

No. No. What are you doing? Let go! You’re hurting me. Stop it. Stop it.

….

My neck--- how hard did it jerk when I was fighting him off. They pulled me from under the big stone. Where are they taking me? How did this happen? I can hear the loud roaring sound all around me. I’m bouncing around, but I can’t see anything. But I can feel something pressing in on me on every side. And I can still hear the voices above the roaring. They’ve got me all wrapped up in something. It’s hard to breathe, but maybe if I just lay still and catch my breath. There’s nothing I can do about it now. And there’s food in here with me. I just can’t eat it right now, no matter how hungry my stomach is telling me I am. I’ll just wait and see what’s happening.

…..

Their voices are low and calm, and their touch is soft. Oh, and that aroma. Maybe I should eat something now. Just in case. I’ll test them first—make sure they’re not just trying to take it away. They’re leaving it. That only means they have something to do to me tonight.

……

And I’m in the roaring thing again. More voices. New ones. Two women. And I’m in the air again. Why do they have to put me in this tiny thing? But I smell the grass again. It’s a little different than my grass. Not so tall. It doesn’t smell like me. But I can change that. Just let me out.

……

I still wonder where the little one is. They never came for me. At least, not as far as I know. But I am with these girls now, and they are nice enough. They feed me every morning. They brush me, now that I’m getting all itchy in the heat. We go to the lake, where they let me chase the ducks (I suppose they know I mean them no harm). And I lay at their feet at night. It’s actually kind of nice. I haven’t had to worry about the heat or getting food or water. Security. Safety. Normalcy. Maybe even love. But I just can’t help but feel like it’s not permanent--- like they’re giving me this love as a test. They look me in the eyes, but their eyes have goodbyes in them. At least this time I get a goodbye.  I won’t think about it too much. I have today. And today is good.

Eyes of honey and a demeanor to match --- there is nothing but warmth and sweetness from this girl, despite her recent circumstances. This lovely 3 year-old German shepherd mix, Honey as we like to call her, was abandoned in her backyard with nothing but a couple of empty bowls for these past sweltering weeks in the North Texas heat. The family who found her in the abandoned backyard says they don’t know how long she was out there fending for herself.

Despite all that, however, it would seem she has a lot of love to give, and has found it in her heart to trust again. And she’s thriving in her new foster home. She has put the weight she lost back on, and has cleaned up quite nicely with a trip to the groomers. Her foster mum reports that she hasn’t had a single accident since she has been home. She sleeps soundly at night, cuddled up at the foot of the bed, though she has slept just as soundly outside on their camping trips. She is good with other pets--- cats and dogs alike. She does have that guard dog instinct, though, and though she walks well on the leash, she does tend to “herd” the foster homes’ children. Otherwise, they have described here as “an absolute joy” to take out for a jog. If you can find it in your heart to give this sweet girl a second chance and let her know that she won’t have to ever worry about fending for herself ever again, come see her at Wichita P.A.W.S. She’ll steal your heart. After all:

"Life is a mosaic of pleasure and pain--- grief is an interval between two moments of joy... You have no rose without a thorn; the diligent picker will avoid the pricks and gather the flower. There is no bee without the sting; cleverness consists in gathering the honey nevertheless." Sri Sai Baba said that, but we here at P.A.W.S. know that you could use a little Honey in your life as well. She has already experienced a bit of the grief and pain. It's time for her to get to see what pleasure and joy are like, too, don't you think?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQC8Pgg_vN

It is amazing, the profoundly powerful effect this one single dog has had on the lives of those who have come together to find her a new home. We have all come together through this shared experience. I mean, it seems almost felicitous, really, how her life has taken such a turn in a few short weeks, since being removed by the Pallino family from her backyard in Electra, TX, thin and covered in ticks. It is as if the pieces just fell together, and I count it as a distinct blessing that nothing short of Fate sanctioned that it was the place, the time, and the circumstances that she should come into my life to touch my heart.

For, as I see it, being assigned the task of getting to know any of these furry beings this class has had the privilege to spend a few moments with is an opportunity to get to know someone new. If I would have gone to any other shelter, it wouldn’t have been Honey that I met. Any other weekend, and I never would have gotten to know this beautiful, old soul, her foster family, or any of the new volunteers at P.A.W.S. Around Wichita Falls who went the extra mile to go find her in that backyard.  Serendipity--- that is what it is, and for me, it means more than words can express that I feel like I have been even a small part in any of these individuals’ (man, woman, child, or dog’s) lives.

Yet, it has been a winding journey coming to this realization, because I like so many, often get so wrapped up in my own mind. I forget to marvel at the diversity in the world and appreciate how so many lives intersect, though we all may be so different. So, while I pondered how I would fulfill my obligation to summing up an entire life into a short 300 words that I could sell to someone, I had to admit that 300 words could never be enough to encapsulate what it meant to actually be, say my rabbit, or my friend’s goat, or any of the thousands upon thousands of dogs and cats that go through the sometimes traumatic procedure of going from one home to another. It is overwhelming to think just what it means to try to speak for someone who has no human voice of their own, to capture the best of who they are so that the rest of the world can know that. Every dog I went to visit, I would get to know a little bit: their color, their demeanor, their reactive behaviors to certain things, etc. But in the end, even those types of things, I knew, did not define them. Where I had once looked at every animal as one that I could take home and live happily ever after with, I started to understand that someone else might be a better home than mine. Even if I was an idealist, it was wrong to make all animals out to be alike. It made me think. Each experience is different. Some of the dogs and cats I met at TLAC were better off for being taken from their situation. On the other hand, some were given up with many tears and goodbyes.  Some had been abused. Some had met apartment codes and prejudice to breed. Some were scared. Some were angry. Some were bored out of their minds. Some seemed as if they have lost hope. However, it only took one look into their eyes to feel something inexplicable--- and probably permanent. My mind would go blank, and all I was aware of was that moment and that being in front of me, and with every fiber of my being, for that one brief second, it was if the world I lived in was all at once, both infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things, and more purposeful.  I knew that it didn’t necessarily matter if I knew their past, but if I had any say about their future, I could hope with all my heart and mind that someone would come by and make the connection that I had--- just that moment when your eyes lock with another’s and the world stops, and you just know them, without really knowing how. And that is what I had to convey with words---- certainly no easy feat.

But as time ticked away, and I had the pleasure/weight on me of knowing so many dogs and cats that needed homes that I could help out, I felt paralyzed and a bit overwhelmed. How could I pick just one?  I couldn’t deem one more worthy than another. And where was I most needed? So, instead of writing ads, I campaigned on my own, and started taking friends and co-workers to TLAC to see the dogs and cats for themselves, hoping they would understand what I had just realized, and maybe with a little luck, meet their future “forever someone.”  Yet, in the meantime, I had not fulfilled my scholarly duty to a bio.

 And that is when Honey came into my life—or perhaps I came into hers. It was pure chance. Because, as it happened, I went home for Easter on a whim. Moreover, it just so happened that a family friend is dating a young woman who volunteers for a non-profit rescue in my hometown, and knowing that I was looking to adopt a dog in the fall, she asked me if I would like to go out and meet a young German shepherd they had taken in a few weeks ago after lunch. And the rest, as they say, is history. My entire family brought colored eggs and doggie treats out to the foster family’s house to wish Ms. Honey a happy Easter, and I watched as my nieces piled on the floor with her.  From the first moment I met her, I saw her sweetness and how she was an old, gentle soul. The first thing she did was come and put her forehead against mine, like she was transferring her thoughts straight into my head.  It was as if I had found a friend. What is more, she was a part of this strange, mixed family of strangers, rolling over to beg for her belly to be rubbed by me, giving kisses to all who would sit still long enough to let her, hiding behind my nieces while they snuck her treats. By the end of the evening, even the Pallino family came by to check on Honey. Honey single-handedly had brought three families together, and even I could honor the power in that.

And then I had my story. What is more--- I had an entire support network that would advocate for her when I came back to Austin. It took a few choice calls to old connections at petfinder.com, and I had an ad ready to post, and a first-hand account that I could share with any interested adopters, since I was a contact on her referral ad. All in all, I had to come to terms with myself as much as I did with Honey’s situation. While I might feel hopeful right now for her future in finding a home, I know that I might be sad if I don’t get to see her again. Who knows? Maybe she won’t even remember me. Her life will go on, as will mine. She will meet more humans. I will meet more dogs. But honestly, for that day, she was a major part of my life, and what is more meaningful than those who come in and touch your life? How powerful is it that you can question how you look at the world, and actually feel like you made a connection to someone, even without words? Honey is unfettered by her past. As it would seem, she was happy with life, right then, right in that moment, and those who were there were accepted--- no questions asked. I only hope that she can bring that sentiment to the next home she blesses with her presence, as she did mine…. 

Now if we could only get my niece to quit begging to bring her home.  

Word Count: 2, 836

Oh, and P.S. My ad is being reviewed by my old boss, who has now opened her own sanctuary back home, AKA,  P.A.W.S. around Wichita Falls, to put this little girl up on petfinder.com. So it should be up in 1-2 days. I'll post it up as soon as they ok it through the organization. Please come meet her. Add a little sweetness to your life.